My First Mother's Day

With Mother's Day coming up I thought I might write something that did not have to do with the surgery. I hope you enjoy it!

This is me with my son, Judah. He is only 6 days old in this picture. I cannot believe he is already 9 months old. These past 9 months have been the most rewarding days of my life. Being a mother is something I always wanted. I remember telling people the only thing I wanted to do when I grew up was to get married and have children. As time went on, culture convinced me that I needed to have a career in order to feel like I had accomplished something in my life. I remember sitting in the airport about to leave for our honeymoon, and Hayden and I had an arguement about me working once we had children. I told him I wanted to have a career and accomplish "things" before I had children and that I did not want to stay home. Hayden can be very convincing but at the time I thought having children meant I had to give up what I wanted to do.

Fast forward 9 months, I found out I was pregnant one semester into my first teaching job. I started wanting children pretty much immediately after I got a job. I felt since we had two stable incomes we should start our family. Hayden was hesistant and said we should keep waiting so we could pay off our debt, but I had my mind made up! I wanted a baby and I wanted one now! 1 month later I found myself counting days while I was doing my lunch duty at school. It was the Wednesday before we were about to leave for Christmas break. All day I kept counting and thinking "Holy crap....I think I am pregnant". I went home, took a pregnancy test. The digital kind. I bought them the month before because I thought I was pregnant. When I wasn't pregnant it immediately blinked "not pregnant." This time it blinked for what felt like an eternity. Maggie was sitting next to me on the bathroom floor as I stared at the test. "Pregnant!" Immediate tears started streaming down my face as I held Maggie rocking back and forth. Hayden was not home and I didn't know what time he would be home. I called him to check and he immediatley knew something was up. I said nothing, and he kept asking. So I blurted it out, "I am pregnant!" He drove straight home. I think we were both in shock like everyone is at first, but we got used to the idea. I got used to it much faster than him but when your belly is growing it is easier for you to accept that you are about to be a parent!

Judah Daniel Slack was born on August 18, 2011. We were in love. We had no idea what this journey was going to be like, but we were excited. Being Judah's mom is my biggest accomplishment, I know that now. It does not matter if I have a career, raising Judah is my career. He is my job now, and I would not have it any other way. Raising him to be a godly, respectful, loving man will be my greatest accomplishment.

I stayed home with Judah for 12 weeks. I loved every minute of it. I know there were days I wanted to rip my hair out but he really is the best baby. Being able to take care of him those 12 weeks was such a blessing, and I couldn't have done it without the support of my wonderful husband. I was not paid for the last 6 weeks of it, and I was worried about missing work but Hayden told me he wanted me to be with Judah and that Judah is the most important thing. Like I said, he is wonderful. I have such a godly husband. Judah is so lucky to have him as a dad.

Returning to work was very hard for me. I begged Hayden to let me resign because I couldn't think about leaving him with other people without bursting into tears. I knew he would be okay with others but he is my son and I wanted to raise him. I knew I would miss out on smiles, laughs, crys, and rocking him to sleep. I was a mess, but I committed to finish the year, so I returned to work but I knew I would only be finishing the year. Hayden and I agreed I would finish the year and then I would stay home. I told my principal in February. I know it was the right decision.

There are of course people who keep telling me I will be bored, I will want to come back in a year, or I will go crazy. To those people I say thank you for your opinion but secretly I think, "where are your priorities"? I want Judah to be the man I want him to be. How can he be that if I am not raising him? You cannot rely on daycare workers, teachers, or family to teach your kids what you want to teach them. Don't get me wrong, I know there are people who don't have a choice and I applaud them for their hard work. Working and taking care of Judah is very hard for me. I have been miserable. So to the women who work full time and have families you are amazing! But if you have the chance, and the money I think you should raise your children. God created women to raise their children. No one can raise Judah as well as I can. That being said, I am so thankful for my mom, mother-in-law, and sitter for helping me through this year. I don't know where I would be without them.

I so enjoy being a mother. I enjoy every bottle, every giggle, and even wrestling those little(ok he is not so little) legs while I try and change his diaper. The love I have for Judah is indescribable. Hayden and I look at him and still can't believe how much we love an adore him. I thank Hayden all the time for giving me this wonderful baby. I still tear up when I hold him at night when he is sleeping, my heart overflowing with love for this beautiful boy. I cannot wait to watch him grow up...ok I can. I hate that he is growing up. I absolutely hate it. Where is my tiny baby boy??? He is already crawling, eating finger foods, and trying to communicate with me. I love this little boy! Here are some pictures of my handsome boy.  Happy Mother's Day everyone!